Saturday, June 5, 2010


Zeke was conceived after I had a very early miscarriage. I was charting and knew almost right away. I tested a couple of days before I would have started my cycle, and came flying out of the bathroom to tackle Will with a squeal. We were both overjoyed, but fearful of losing this one too. With the first one, we hadn't been actively trying, just stopped "not trying" and figured God would do His thing when the time was right. When we lost that baby, we both realized how much we truly wanted a child to love. We waited a few weeks to allow my body to return to normal, then began actively trying, much to my mother's consternation.

The all-day sickness set in just before 6 weeks in and lasted until around 13-14 weeks. I have a phobia of throwing up and will do just about anything to avoid it. So I spent all my time feeling nauseous but only actually vomited a few times. I comforted myself with the thought that feeling very ill meant that there were high levels of pregnancy hormones and I was less likely to miscarry again.

We weren't able to hear his heartbeat until 12 weeks, because at 8 weeks he had been nestled so deeply in my pelvis that the doppler couldn't pick it up. I breathed a huge sigh of relief, knowing that the risk of miscarriage dropped dramatically after having heard a strong heart beat. It was also the first time it felt really real to me, that there was truly a tiny person growing inside me, his heart cheerfully beating away, happy just to be alive. I was able to open my heart and begin bonding with this tiny invader who was cheerily rearranging and redecorating my body.

I remember the first time I was able to eat a full meal without feeling sick at around 14 weeks. Will had taken me out and I desperately wanted to eat steak and a baked potato. As I took bite after delicious bite, tears rolled down my face at the joy of being able to enjoy the taste and swallow without gagging. Will laughed at my dramatic pregnant lady reaction, and with a mouthful of potato, I told him he would cry too if he hadn't been able to enjoy food for 8 weeks.

At 21 weeks I had my one and only ultrasound and found out we were having a boy! The little boy parts were obvious and my husband spotted them even before the doctor did. I would have been happy either way, but I felt even more bonded knowing that it was a boy. Within a couple of weeks, we settled on his name. I love the energy that my little boy brings to my life!

From then until I gave birth, I craved lemonade. It was the only true craving I had, except perhaps for steak. I literally drank gallons of it. And I didn't want that crappy powder stuff you mix. So I would make my own lemonade every 2 days and always had a huge pitcher of it in the fridge. I won't be surprised if lemonade turns out to be Zeke's favorite drink.

Throughout pregnancy, I did all kinds of reading and research about natural childbirth, breastfeeding, attachment parenting...I read books by Ina May Gaskin, Dr. Sears, Penny Simpkin, Sheila Kitzinger, Henci Goer and others. That started me down the semi-hippie-ish path I'm on now. And I think getting passionate about all that has genuinely helped me, but I had this sort of rosy idea that if I just did everything right, it would all go well and be pretty easy. Well, as all parents know, "easy" isn't normally a part of the parenting dictionary!

Stay tuned for my birth story!

1 comment:

  1. Ayah was conceived 7-10 days after I miscarried. its amazing how similiar our stories r...